英语原文

I have never met a single mother in China. Not one. Do they exist? Sure, but even in a country of 1.4 billion people, they are few and far between. And if you do happen to run into a single mother, it is more than likely that she lost her husband through a divorce or early death. Women choosing to keep their babies out-of-wedlock in China is almost unheard of.

“I spent a few weeks last winter taking care of a friend who had an abortion,” an acquaintance of mine related to me during my recent trip to western China. “She had a boyfriend in University who got her pregnant and she really had no choice but to get rid of it.”

“Did anyone suggest to her that she keep the baby and at least give it up for adoption?” I asked.

“Of course not,” came the reply. “Having a baby without a husband could have ruined her chance to graduate from university and have a successful career.” According to my friend, the boyfriend had no intention of marrying the girl as the relationship was not that serious.

Unlike in America, where organizations like Planned Parenthood are supposed to present other options to mothers who are contemplating an abortion, there is no such counsel given in China. If a woman is single and pregnant in China, there is only one option; the baby must go.

Not that keeping a baby out-of-wedlock in China would be easy. Most university students in China are completely dependent on their parents for financial support and choosing to have a baby would place an extra burden on them. Just as my friend suggested, for many young women, choosing to have a baby could very well mean the end of their higher education.

But even more importantly, there is still a strong social stigma that is placed on women in China who have children before they are married. It is simply not culturally acceptable.

“It would bring shame on her family,” explained my friend. While the age old tradition in China of ‘checking the sheets’ after the wedding night to make sure the bride was a virgin may be fast fading away, most Chinese parents are afraid of ‘losing face’ in front of their family members in friends. An unmarried daughter with a child would be a constant source for rumors and gossip. Having sex before marriage is one thing, but having a baby before marriage would most definitely bring shame upon the girl’s entire family. And then there would be the question about who the girl could marry someday. It would take a special man to marry a single mother in China and the wedding process, which is so important in Chinese culture, would be naturally tainted in the eyes of the girl’s relatives.

Thus, there is no such thing as pro-choice in China. There is only one choice; the baby is sacrificed to secure the future of the girl. In China, an abortion procedure is as common as having one’s tonsils removed.

“She was only one month pregnant when she had the abortion,” my aquaintance told me. “She didn’t see it as a person. It was just a medical procedure.”

Yet, according to my friend, the girl that she took care of suffered both physically and emotionally from the experience.

“It was a horrible thing for her to go through,” my friend admitted. “She was very sad.”

As was I when I heard this story. The girl never had a choice and the baby never had a chance.

中文翻译

在中国，我还没见过一个单身妈妈，一个都没有。到底有没有单身妈妈呢？肯定有，但是在一个人口多达14亿人的国家里，单身妈妈毕竟凤毛犀角，网可罗雀。即使确实偶然碰到个别单身妈妈，（其单身的原因）很可能是因为离婚而没有丈夫，或者丈夫早逝。（总之，）在中国，女人因非婚姻关系而自己养孩子的事情几乎是闻所未闻的。

前不久我去中国西部旅游，有个熟人告诉我说：“去年冬天，我的朋友做了一次流产，我帮忙照顾了几个星期。她在大学里有个男朋友，把她搞怀孕了。除了做流产，她实在没有（别的）办法。”

“难道没人劝她把孩子留下来？那样至少还能把孩子送给别人收养啊”我问道。

“当然不行啦”，这是我听到的回答：“如果没有丈夫，却有了孩子，等于毁灭了她从大学毕业和找个好工作的机会。”我从朋友处了解到，（这个女孩的）那个男朋友也没打算娶她，因为他们之间的关系并不认真。

在美国，如果有女人考虑做流产手术，那里的有关组织，比如计划生育联合会，就会提供其他办法供她们选择，在中国是得不到此类咨询的。中国的单身女子如果怀孕了，做流产手术就是唯一的出路。

在中国，想养育一个非婚生子女也没那么容易。现在中国的大多数大学生在经济上完全依赖父母，如果再生个孩子，就会给父母增加额外负担。就像我的朋友为我所做的解释那样：对很多年轻女子而言，如果选择把孩子生下来，就完完全全意味着她们的高等教育生涯走到尽头了。

然而，更为重要的原因还是，中国女子如果没有结婚就生了孩子，她们所要承受的风言风语就会非常严重，（因为）文化传统根本就容不下（这种行为）。

我的朋友解释说：“那样会使她的家人蒙受耻辱”。在中国，有个十分古老的传统，即在新婚之夜的次日“查床单”，以验证新娘是不是处女。尽管这个古旧的传统很快就会消失，但是中国的大多数家长还是害怕家人在朋友圈子里丢尽脸面。如果家里有个女儿未婚生子，流言蜚语就会源源不断。婚前性行为倒是可以另当别论，可未婚生子绝对会给女孩的整个家庭带来耻辱，而且对于这个女孩来说，还有将来能嫁给谁的问题。在中国，只有十分特别的男人才可能愿意娶一个单身妈妈为妻，而且在中国文化里十分重要的婚礼上，（作为一个单身妈妈），自然会让女方的亲人们脸上挂不住。

因此，“妇女有不做流产的优先决定权”（Pro-choice）在中国是不存在的，出路只有一条，那就是以牺牲掉孩子的代价来换取女孩的未来。在中国，流产手术再普通不过了，简直就像切除扁桃体。

我那个熟人告诉我：“她怀孕才一个月，就决定做流产了。她不会把胎儿看成是一个人的，那只不过是一次医疗手术而已。”

但是，朋友告诉我说，她所照料的那个女孩，这样的经历给她带来的痛苦不但有身体上的，还有感情上的。

我的朋友承认说：“经受这样的事情，实在太可怕了。她很伤心。”

那个女孩没有别的选择，而那个孩子没有生存的权利。这就是我听了这个故事以后的感想。